Elyse de Valle

Emotionally Overcontrolled/Undercontrolled

Kuiper Projects

2023

Calico, Cotton Embroidery Thread, Perspex, Artist Book

Artist book available here

Each of these works are embroidered adaptations of notes from my journals taken throughout my dialectical behaviour therapy sessions. The embroideries form a series that reference chronic physical illness, mental ill-health, trauma, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.

DBT is a recommended therapy for people with borderline personality disorder; a disorder that is often portrayed negatively. BPD has over 100 types of personality categories, but only a certain type is represented in popular culture. This stereotype didn’t align with my experience and I found it hard to find information about BPD that I could relate to.

The terms emotionally overcontrolled and emotionally undercontrolled are one of the many ways to distinguish BPD types. These were described to me as emotionally overcontrolled or emotionally undercontrolled in reference to how different I felt to the other members in my first DBT group therapy cohort. I was emotionally overcontrolled around people and undercontrolled when alone.

It was the first time I felt that maybe the BPD diagnosis could make some sense for me. It encouraged my interest and attention in the DBT course I had begun. I was also told that I may not be able to use the skills I was learning in DBT because I needed to first do some work processing my traumas. With this in mind, I learnt what I could while I could. I took notes in my group and one-on-one sessions thinking I’d need them when I was more able.

There came a time that diagnoses of BPD, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, and myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome, accompanied by symptoms including chronic pain, psychosis, migraines, depression, and anxiety, became too much. It was during an extended period of sick leave that I began returning to my notes from DBT therapy and to a form of making I could manage – my gentle work. I studied notes from my DBT sessions through the process of recreating them as embroideries.

While I stitched these notes, I consumed episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and other popular culture, scientific and philosophical sources. This playlist informed the project and provided education and comfort throughout the process.

The skills described in my notes became more familiar as I worked on each embroidery, embedding the words into the fabric and my mind. The process focused and calmed me while being unwell physically and mentally. It grounded painful emotions, urges and symptoms.

I worked on these in a safe and stable space, something that had been rare. Concurrently, I was on a journey to do trauma-focused therapy. The embroideries supported and guided when and how I would do this. They came to mind when I needed them emotionally and interpersonally.

I needed this work. It is an elaborate archive of my experience and understanding of dialectical behaviour therapy and finding my place in the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, et al.

During the making of this exhibition, I have lived and worked on the lands of the Dja Dja Wurrung, Taungurung and Wurundjeri Woi Wurrung Peoples. On their country I have found a home that I feel safe, curious, and comfortable in. I thank, acknowledge, and pay respects to the Dja Dja Wurrung, Taungurung and Wurundjeri Woi Wurrung Peoples, the traditional owners and sovereign custodians of the land on which I work and live. I extend my respect to their Ancestors and all First Peoples and Elders past, present and future. Sovereignty has never been ceded.

This project was supported by the Queensland Government through Arts Queensland.

Image credits: Lachlan Horn, Kuiper Projects, Elyse de Valle